If you’ve wondered where Lauryn Hill has been hiding for the last 10 years, here’s your answer: she’s been getting a mani-pedi. The 90s songstress is back on tour, and apparently she hopes to resuscitate her legendary diva antics alongside her career.

According to The Washington Post (via contactmusic.com), the Doo Wop singer kept fans at the recent Rock the Bells festival waiting three hours before she took the stage. But don’t worry, Lauryn Hill fans—she had a good reason. She couldn’t make her scheduled 4:30 appearance because her nails were still drying. For real. Her rep later explained, "She's sorry she kept her fans waiting, but she couldn't go out there looking busted (unattractive)!"

I’m not sure what kind of nail technology Lauryn Hill uses, but 3 hours? Really? I’ve never had to wait longer than an hour for a mani-pedi to dry, but then again, my nails are done at regular salons for regular people—oh, who am I kidding?—they're done on the floor of my bathroom atop a copy of Star. Maybe Lauryn gets her nails coated in diamond dust or the crushed shells of extinct sea creatures and those special features take a long time to dry, but still—3 hours? And just why did she need her nails done for a concert? It’s not like anybody actually gets that close.

To make things worse, when she finally did appear on stage, she rushed through her hoarsely sung set, performing for no more than 20 minutes and leaving to a chorus of boos.

Remember the glory days, when Hill’s diva antics were balanced by a steady output of rocking music and solid concerts? Sadly, the singer who once brought us these lyrical gems: "I have no time for manicures/With you it's never either or/Cause nothing even matters no more" has found something that matters more. Manicures. 

We’ve come a long way since Brooke Shields’s mom sold pictures of her 10-year old daughter to Playboy. Magazines can no longer get away with asking a child what it means to be good in bed, and I am as thankful for that as I am for young Shields’s answer: "When I'm sick and I stay home from school propped up with lots of pillows watching TV and my mom brings me soup—that's good in bed."

In the end, Brooke Shields turned out alright, and I hope that young Dakota Fanning, who is the beneficiary of much stronger legal protections, will too. She recently starred in The Runaways, and although it’s old news here, the film is making its premiere in England this Friday, and is regenerating press about Fanning’s on-screen kiss with co-star Kristen Stewart. Stewart recently spoke with England’s Stylist magazine, explaining that the famous kiss only took “like 5 seconds in the movie” and appeared “innocent”, “natural and impulsive.”

Read More

Miley Cyrus didn't always have her cute name. The pop star, who reportedly spent the weekend enjoying Paris’s laxer teen drinking laws, was actually born Destiny Hope Cyrus. Surprisingly, Cyrus did not want to spend her life sounding like a bad soap opera, so she legally changed her name to Miley. According to TMZ, now her mom, Leticia is following suit, and has filed to become “Tish” instead.

Hollywood, of course, is full of discarded names, from Michael Douglas (Michael Keaton’s birth name, which he had to give up because it was already taken by, uh, Michael Douglas) to Stefani Germonatta (now Lady Gaga).

But my favourite name change had nothing to do with fixing bad parental choices (seriously, Destiny Hope?), sounding cooler, or avoiding confusion with similarly named actors. Those of you who sent their little ones back to school this morning may wish your children were as excited about education as pop chanteuse Shakira (yes, that’s her real name) is. The Latin sensation has been known to go by her middle name, Isabel, so that she can enjoy university classes incognito, something she likes to do when she’s on break from tour. A few years ago she told UK’s The Guardian, “The universe is so broad, I cannot be at the centre of it. So I decided to go to the university and study history for a summer course, just to kind of switch gears, taste the student life.”

If only all of Hollywood’s starlets would choose education, instead of say, clubbing, as their relaxation of choice, then I could run headlines like “LiLo and Paris Just Can’t Agree on the Best Postmodern Novel” instead of “Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan Gets Arrested Again." Wouldn’t that be nice? 
 

Poor Angelina Jolie. She drops a few sound bites about her kid and they get recycled for weeks (years, in internet time). According to Life&Style, Angelina is (still) a terrible mom for letting Shiloh dress like a boy, but an even worse mom for talking about it. In addition to the usual veiled homophobia and gender role hysteria the tabloids spout every time little Shiloh dons a polo shirt, Life&Style is also claiming that Angelina has been using her daughter to promote Salt. That wouldn’t be so bad, according to Life&Style, if she would use her other kids equally. The magazine interviewed a psychotherapist who indicated that rest of the Brangie brood could be heartbroken to learn that no tabloids are currently speculating on their daring fashion choices.

“It’s important to talk about the kids equally so each child feels equally acknowledged and validated”, said psychotherapist Jenn Berman. Note to Life&Style: you have the power to change this situation. Next time Pax wears a leather jacket, how about a headline that reads “Is Angelina Encouraging Pax to Join a Biker Gang?” Also, I hear Zahara likes to wear black clothes, just like her mom. You could turn her into a disturbed emo goth. And what about the twins? They’re probably doing all sorts of crazy things, like sucking their thumbs (surely a precursor to smoking) and parading around town in…diapers. There’s got to be something there. Angelina might not be spreading the infamy equally, but I know you care, Life&Style, and I think you owe these kids at least a little more effort.   

It’s Thursday, the day when the tabloids arrive full of celebrity stories from unidentified sources—that legion of former nannies, housekeepers, drivers, neighbours and semi-acquaintances who keep us up-to-date on the real lives of celebrities (Drew Barrymore uses the toilet! Britney Spears drinks orange pop!) But there’s one rock star we won’t be hearing about from his fired former manager: Paul McCartney.

Read More

Brent McMahon, owner of McMahon RV, sure knows how to settle a score. The 47-year old RV maven is currently embroiled in a legal suit with Taylor “Sexy Man Beast” Lautner, star of Twilight, Twilight: New Moon and Twilight: Eclipse. Apparently Lautner suffered “emotional distress” when the $300,000 custom RV he ordered from McMahon RV was not delivered on time, and he’s seeking $40,000 in compensation. But rather than duke it out in court with Lautner’s laywers, Brent McMahon is saying what we’re all thinking: why don’t you take off your shirt so we can settle this outside?

Read More

Paris Hilton was arrested this weekend. Again. For possessing drugs. Again. This time, the drug of arrest was cocaine, and once more representatives for the heiress are reminding us that Paris only carries banned substances for publicity purposes. Okay, they’re not saying that at all, but puh-lease. Either the girl does drugs, or she carries other people’s drugs so she can get caught and soak in the subsequent media attention. My guess is both. In any case, here’s what her lawyer, David Chesnoff, really said: "This matter will be dealt with in the courts, not in the media, and I encourage people not to rush to judgment until all of the facts have been dealt with in a court of law."

Sorry to break it to you, Mr. Chesnoff, but this matter will be dealt with in the courts and in the media. But not today, not by me. Because it just doesn’t feel like news anymore when Paris Hilton gets arrested for drugs and claims they weren’t hers. And, I’d like to encourage Miss Hilton to adopt a new attention-seeking strategy. Because while she was up to the same old garbage this weekend, other celebrities were busy doing really good things for the planet and its people. And we should celebrate them. Right now. So, without further ado, here are two stars who could teach Miss Hilton a lesson or two about being a good human:

Read More

Does anyone really care if Lindsay Lohan gets better? She is the one of the world’s richest sources of schadenfreude, that rare kind of star who makes us feel good about looking average and not being rich. But somewhere under the spray tan and the carefully cultivated persona of disinterest is a real person. A spoiled narcissistic for sure, but still, a person, and one who has been all but abandoned by the public’s concern. 

Thankfully for Lohan, the L.A. justice system has a good record of caring about the rehabilitation of its rich, white offenders, so she’s getting some help there. Her mom probably cares about her too, but unfortunately it seems that being loved by Dina Lohan is like being a bug in the hands of an overzealous toddler—crushingly destructive.

Read More

For everyone who thinks that Glee is total make-believe, Naya Rivera, who plays queen-b**ch Cheerio Santana, would like to wag her finger in your face. Or key your car…but only if you break her heart. According to Us Weekly, the feisty singing cheerleader, who has been romantically linked to Glee stud Mark Salling—but not officially—recently took a carton of eggs and the tip of her keys to Salling’s car. Why? Rivera isn’t the only pretty little Hollywood ingénue who’s been linked to Salling of late. The hot-like-wasabi singer was rumoured to be dating Selena Gomez, among others.

But before we get too excited about the amazing musical montages this kind of heartbreak and jealousy could inspire, Salling, via Twitter, says it’s not true, posting, “Silly rumors, we’re the best of friends”, and a link to this hilarious photo. I guess we’ll just have to wait for someone else to break down on the set before we get a life-meets-musical moment. My money is on Britney Spears.