Brent McMahon, owner of
McMahon RV, sure knows how to settle a score. The 47-year old RV maven is
currently embroiled in a legal suit with Taylor
“Sexy Man Beast” Lautner, star of Twilight, Twilight: New Moon and
Twilight: Eclipse. Apparently Lautner suffered “emotional distress” when the
$300,000 custom RV he ordered from McMahon RV was not delivered on time, and he’s
seeking $40,000 in compensation. But rather than duke it out in court with
Lautner’s laywers, Brent McMahon is saying what we’re all thinking: why don’t you take off your shirt so we can
settle this outside?
Paris Hilton was arrested this weekend. Again. For possessing
drugs. Again. This time, the drug of arrest was cocaine, and once more
representatives for the heiress are reminding us that Paris only carries banned
substances for publicity purposes. Okay, they’re not saying that
at all, but puh-lease. Either the
girl does drugs, or she carries other people’s drugs so she can get caught and
soak in the subsequent media attention. My guess is both. In any case, here’s what
her lawyer, David Chesnoff, really said: "This matter will be dealt with in the courts, not
in the media, and I encourage people not to rush to judgment until all of the
facts have been dealt with in a court of law."
Sorry to break it to you,
Mr. Chesnoff, but this matter will be dealt with in the courts and in the media. But not today, not
by me. Because it just doesn’t feel like news anymore when Paris Hilton gets
arrested for drugs and claims they weren’t hers. And, I’d like to encourage
Miss Hilton to adopt a new attention-seeking strategy. Because while she was
up to the same old garbage this weekend, other celebrities were busy doing
really good things for the planet and its people. And we should celebrate them.
Right now. So, without further ado, here are two stars who could teach
Miss Hilton a lesson or two about being a good human:
Does anyone really care if Lindsay
Lohan gets better? She is the one of the world’s richest sources of
schadenfreude, that rare kind of star who makes us feel good about looking
average and not being rich. But somewhere under the spray tan and the carefully
cultivated persona of disinterest is a real person. A spoiled narcissistic for
sure, but still, a person, and one who has been all but abandoned by the public’s
concern. Thankfully for Lohan, the
L.A. justice system has a good record of caring about the rehabilitation of its
rich, white offenders, so she’s getting some help there. Her mom probably cares
about her too, but unfortunately it seems that being loved by Dina Lohan is
like being a bug in the hands of an overzealous toddler—crushingly destructive.
For everyone who thinks that
Glee is total make-believe, Naya Rivera, who plays queen-b**ch
Cheerio Santana, would like to wag her finger in your face. Or key your car…but
only if you break her heart. According to Us
Weekly, the feisty singing cheerleader, who has been romantically linked to
Glee stud Mark Salling—but not officially—recently took a carton of eggs and
the tip of her keys to Salling’s car. Why? Rivera isn’t the only pretty little
Hollywood ingénue who’s been linked to Salling of late. The hot-like-wasabi
singer was rumoured to be dating Selena Gomez, among others.
But before we get too
excited about the amazing musical montages this kind of heartbreak and jealousy
could inspire, Salling, via Twitter, says it’s not true, posting, “Silly rumors,
we’re the best of friends”, and a link to this hilarious photo. I guess we’ll
just have to wait for someone else to break down on the set before we get a
life-meets-musical moment. My money is on Britney
Spears.
Jennifer Aniston’s enduring popularity has always been a bit of a mystery. Her movies are usually box office
bombs or critical stinkers, and making films is the former Friends actor’s primary job. Yet she
still earned over $16 million this year, and putting her on a magazine cover,
in an advertisement, or in a blog article is a surefire way to attract readers,
consumers and their dollars.
My theory on her enduring
popularity? She must be nice. Or, more accurately, we must think she’s nice. Plus,
she was on the morally upright end of a bad breakup, so she gets our sympathy.
She’s pretty enough to score Hollywood roles, but not so gorgeous that we hate
her. She sure seems nice. And Rachel
Green was really funny.
Full disclosure: I don’t
really follow Twitter stats the way I follow, say, Dramarama’s daily Photo Opp,
or random Facebook updates. Until this morning, I thought Ashton Kutcher was still the world’s biggest Twit (er, Twitterer).
So, thank you, ContactMusic.com for setting me straight. As of last week, Lady Gaga has amassed more followers
than anyone else on Twitter. With over 5.7 million little
monsters receiving her updates, she has overtaken Britney Spears for the
title of Twitter Queen. In true Gaga style, she made a creative announcement
about her latest achievement. Wearing a glittery crown emblazoned with a sparkly Twitter
logo and brandishing a wand, Gaga spoke to fans in an “inaugural address” as internet
monarch.
Julia Roberts is a cover girl again, thanks to her smash hit, Eat, Pray, Love. But yesterday’s glossies were at odds in their
portrayals of the American actress. Hello!
Canada took the standard approach in their "exclusive"* interview with
Roberts, letting her get warm and gushy about her family life (*note to Hello!: she’s done interviews before).
But The National Enquirer showcased an altogether different Julia, an angry pot-smoker who had (gasp!) at least 12
relationships before finally settling down and becoming a mom.
I’ve had a lot of nasty jobs
in my life. I’ve cleaned grease traps at an off-road diner, sold scratch
tickets to disgruntled gamblers, burned my hands in bakery ovens and had my
teenage boobs perved by old men willfully ordering hard-to-reach cigarettes in
a small town convenience store. But for all my troubles, I never made more than
$7 an hour (in the 90s). I like to think I was a pretty smokin’ hot teen, but
in reality I was just a small town girl waiting to hit the big time. I had no
idea about real depravity, or real payoff either.
Things are different for
Hollywood youth. The lows can get a lot lower than hours of Jesus-talk from a
geriatric who just praised your ass, and the highs can climb much, much higher
than $7 an hour. Take Lindsay Lohan.
Reports are out that OK will be paying her $1 million for her first post-prison
interview, which means that even if she serves all 90 days of her jail/rehab
sentence (and she won’t), she’ll be earning $462 an hour, including sleep time,
art therapy sessions, and visits with mom.
 Here’s a little gem that
would be awesome if it were 1995, and you were 12: New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys are going on tour together! Says a source quoted at E!Online, “"The idea is to
recreate the boy band phenomenon. It will be the ultimate ladies' night
out."
In other related news, John “Don’t-call-me-Cougar” Mellencamp
has declared the music industry almost dead. 
It’s been a slow week in
celebrity-land. Mel Gibson crashed
his car, but that’s like saying Gwyneth
Paltrow drank a macrobiotic shake, or Madonna
exercised—hardly surprising. Lindsay
Lohan is still in rehab, the Brangelina
family is doing just fine, Lady Gaga
is as brilliant/weird as ever and neither Beyonce,
Jennifer Aniston nor Katie Holmes
are pregnant.
So what are we left with? A
weird meme: celebrities getting pelted with damaging objects. Namely, Justin Bieber, Methodman and Tila Tequila.
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July 2010
